Incriminating Words
by Tearatone Maystar
Summary: Seems like Marie is on a quest to find out what happened to Double D, let's hope for the best... Poor girl... Let's see what she will come up with next!
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: He guys, someone has been sending me these audio files of some girl saying her name is Marie Kanker from Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy and asking me to post their transcripts here. At first I thought they were kind of silly, but the more I have listened the more they intrigued me. So, on a whim I'm going to fulfill their request and post them. I don't know if this is any of your idea, or why ask me who has never wrote an Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy fan fic before, but I'm in now. Enjoy.

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I once heard someone say that I could do anything if I believe. Yeah? Really? Well fuck you, bitch. It has nothing to do with believing, not in the slightest. If you want to do something then you just fucking do it. Hard work, stealing, deceiving, whatever it takes; just as long as you get yours. Hi, I'm Marie Kanker, by the way, just in case you wanted to know who was your heroine in this story. Maybe you have heard of me?

Chances are if you're reading this then you have. My god, a narrative! Marie Kanker would never write one of those! Well, you're right then, I wouldn't. I suck ass at writing. But I can blab, and blabbing is what I'm doing. Someone else is writing this for me, I'm just talking into a recorder, said it was digital. Here have a gift, free of charge, pretty swanky too; I kinda like it. Then this guy wants to give my story to someone else to publish online. They said it would go under fiction, so no worries.

So I figured what the hell, I'm game. I'll just blab and blab and blab until I don't want to blab no more. Now, what am I going to tell you people? My life's story? All my secret fantasies? Maybe… I mean, if you all think this is fiction then it shouldn't be too hard to fess up some secrets. Hey, this is kinda fun already!

Okay, okay, so where to begin? What to tell you? Umm… Oh! I know! So I'm twenty-two years old, standing at about five foot five, one-hundred and twenty pounds, have blue hair, some freckles and green eyes. Uh, well, one green eye. It's not that I'm missing an eye, just that, well, one of them doesn't really work anymore. It's all milky now, and you can see some scaring on it. Kinda pretty and gross at the same time, so I keep an eye patch on it and hide that with a whole lot'a bangs.

Funny, I never really tell anyone about that. Hell, only a few people know. Let's see, they would be my two sisters May and Lee, my mom, and Double D. Ah, now if there was ever a guy to fall head over heels for then it would be my butter muffin', Double D. He doesn't get a choice, we're gonna be married one day! Well, I would like to say that, but he's gone now. Went off to MIT, working towards his masters in two fields.

And me? Heh, running on rooftops to avoid arrest. Never had much of an interest in school to begin with. Shit, I'm surprised I even graduated high school! Everyone was! May and Lee both dropped out, said it was for chumps and wasn't worth the hassle. They both only aspire to be house wives though. Don't get me wrong, I love my sisters, there aint no separatin' us! But I want to do something more with my life. Maybe that's because I chose Double D…

Whoa, just realized, you might not know who Double D is, or do you know him too? The weird guy giving me the recorder said whoever reads this will know all about us somehow. Anyway, it's kind of a weird nick name, right? Well, his name is Edd, with two Ds. But since his best friends before college were two other boys named Ed and Eddy, we all just called him Double D to differentiate. I know, big word, huh? Well, that's what happens when you hang out with Double D, his brains tend to rub off on you.

Course I didn't really start hanging out with him until the end of high school. I mean, yeah, he was my boyfriend since we were kids and I made sure everyone knew it, but he was all timid and scared of me, at least way the hell back then. But he matured faster than any of us, and I think realized if he was just nice to me long enough and put up with how much I loved him then I wouldn't need to be so… how did he say it? "Absolutely depraved of common delicate tendencies," yeah, he was a wordy one, but he was MY wordy one.

Well, his junior year came about (I'm a year older than him, by the way) and I found myself by his side a whole lot more than ever before. Eddy hated it, said I was a bad influence and was driving them apart. Yeah, like he was one to talk. And I never separated my snookums from his friends. Hell, I encouraged him to make more! Just as long as he knew I was number one!

He was a real sweet heart too, when he heard I might drop out like May and Lee, he protested and offered to help with whatever seemed difficult in my school work. If it was anyone else I wouldn't give them the time of day. But this was my Double D, and he actually seemed concerned about me! What was a love sick girl to do? Suddenly, like clockwork, my grades started rising. And by the end of the year I graduated with a pretty nice GPA. Nothing honor roll like, but for me it seemed like a great impossibility to have grades so good.

But then I was out, and he was still in. I stuck around, snuck into school at lunch time and brought him food way better than anything that was provided. At some point he wanted to know where I planned on going to further my education. I never had an answer, I think I half wished just to follow him wherever he went. It never occurred to me that he would move out of state, at least not until he told me he had been accepted to his first choice.

I was happy for him, I really was. Everyone threw him a big going away party, Mr. Valedictorian having all his bright dreams come true. But I knew I couldn't afford the move, and they would never let someone with my grades, let alone background into such a renowned college. However, I did give him the best going away present ever, the one thing to assure he would never forget me. Or would it be more accurate to say I took something from him? I'll let your dirty little mind figure out what.

But yeah, then he was gone. I wrote to him and called him just about every day. But soon it became every other day, then once or twice a week, every few weeks, and finally only once every few months. I miss him something horrible. Shit, even right now I'm starting to get choked up. Stupid man; my stupid, brilliant man.

Uhg! Well, I have a life outside of Edd, believe it or not. But Marie, you don't go to college or work! What kind of life do you lead? What kind of life do you think? What have I always been good at? Showing attitude and making people's jaws drop, that's what! I do parkour! Don't know it? Google it, shit head! Or youtube it, yeah, scratch the Google, fucking youtube it! You have to be on a computer to be reading this anyway, so stop reading, right the fuck now, pull up youtube, and search for parkour.

Pretty sweet, right? I'm self taught, bitches. Well, no, I got some pointers from some guys I saw leaping from roof top to roof top, but after that I fucking dominated. It's a lot of fucking hard work, but damn is it fun! I also have a skateboard wherever I go, in case the po' come along and I run out of buildings to hop.

Ah, right, forgot to mention I picked up skateboarding when I was in middle school. Well, now you know, not a whole lot to it. But get this, to keep my hands free I store my board in this strap system they make for backpacks now'a days. Yeah, you might say it encumbers me, but that just means you never learned how to do it the way I did. If I need to make a high jump I just take off my pack while I'm running and toss it over the edge before I follow. Then after my roll I pick it right back up and keep going. It aint all that hard, not after you got a system down.

I got into it after my Double D went off to follow his dreams. At first it was just another way to help keep my mind off of how much I missed him, but then I just got so immersed in it. I mean shit; can you climb buildings, skip over roof tops, and outrun anyone who comes your way? I didn't think so.

I don't really belong to a team or association though. I mean I know a few guys who run too, but I'm kind of a lone wolf out there. I come by, impress, and disappear. Sometimes the cops spot me and take after on foot. It's funny leaving them in my wake. And I laugh so damn hard after I get away. It's a rush, complete natural high, baby.

But that's not all I do. I use my skills for something much more… rewarding, let's say. Can you guess? Money is kinda tight at the Park 'n Flush, and there are so many things I want. Well, I learned how to pick pockets and locks, naturally. I guess you can say I have become a thief. No big heists or anything all Hollywood like. Just a dvd here or there, or I sneak into a theater, or swap out some old cloths for some new ones. Low on cash? Bum it out in a parking lot, wait for the guy with the nicest car (because clothing is never a great indicator of income,) tail him, make the grab, and move swiftly out of there.

I know where all the security cameras are, and if you can't see them then they can't see you. I know a lot of tricks in fact, and I'm more than happy to brag. The only time I feel any grief is if I think about what Double D would say if he ever found out. Maybe I should put it behind me some day, when he comes back to me… if he comes back to me… but for now I need it to help get my mind off of the brainiac dream boat.

So I'm a thief, a skating thief who does parkour, and is love smitten with the most unlikely guy. To me he's anything but unlikely, but looking from the outside I have been told its kind of an odd coupling. But those people get a swift kick to the nuts, or cunt, I'm not opposed to hurting girls any less than hurting boys. I am a girl, so what do I care? Chances are if I hit them then they deserved it. Fuckers.

Well, I can't really think up much else to talk about right now. Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you guys more about my past, more dreams, more recent events. I dunno, I'm hungry, give me a break. I'll email this recording to what's-his-face and see how long before it gets posted first. Hmm, I'm kinda interested to see where all these stories about our lives are being posted. Or, I'm sorry, fantasies about our lives. Whatever, seems like a whole lot'a bull. Whatever, I'm getting something to eat, talk to you kids later.


	2. Chapter 2

I just… wow. I read all of that but I don't know if I really believe it. I feel so weird, so… what is all of this? Is this some kinda joke? How the hell are there stories about us? Or better yet who the fuck has been watching our lives? This is so creepy. Why the hell am I even talking into this damn recorder? Ughh…

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Okay, okay, I calmed down some. I had half a mind to show this website to May and Lee, but then thought the better of it. The last thing we need is another computer slammed into the wall. God, I still feel a little freaked out, but I also really want to get some more stuff off my chest. So… I must be crazy, talking into this recorder still. Whatever, I'll do what I want!

I tried calling Double D again, but only got his voice mail. He never really replies to me anymore. I'm kinda scared he only put up with me in high school to make it less stressful or something. And now that he's gone he doesn't have to worry about me, like I'm old news and can just be tossed out and forgotten. But I was his first, damn it! He can't just forget about me! I don't care how many emails it takes! Or texts, or missed calls, or love letters! I won't let him just ignore me!

I sorta want to just say fuck it and hitch a ride out to him, and never look back. He can let me crash at his place, even if it's just a dorm or something. In fact, why not? It'll be like old times, me showing up all uninvited and surprising him out of nowhere. Yeah, that sounds fun! And it's not like he can say he didn't expect it. I mean shit, he knows what I'm like better than anyone! So if he goes and doesn't respond to me, what does he expect to happen?

Fuck it, I'm doing it. I know where his school is, and how to get there. I'll have to go pick pocket some more money for the trip out, yeah, but that's easy. All I need is my board and some cloths, and I guess some toiletries wouldn't hurt either. My sisters would understand too, hell, they'll probably encourage it! Lee said that stick boy doesn't know what's good for him if he lets me get away.

Though… Mn… It's been feeling more and more the other way around. Like I'm letting him get away, you know? I can't just let that happen though. He's my boyfriend! Mine! Right, to hell what May thinks! Ah, you wouldn't know what she thinks though, right? Right… okay, get this. May suggested that Double D might have met someone else. As if! What could some bookworm college skank ever offer a guy like him? Nothing, that's what! Why would sh- SHIT!

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Sorry about that cut off, May walked in on me. We got into a fight, I won, like always. Anyways, what was I talking about before? Umm… oh yeah! So I can't really say it hasn't bothered me, what my stupid sister thinks. Well, no, I could say that, but it would be a lie. I just don't want to think of Double D as a double-crosser. It's not like him. He knows how much I care about him, right? I sure to fucking god hope so. I know he doesn't have nerves of steel or anything, but he would at least tell me he was interested in seeing other people. Not like I would let him, but he's very, very courteous.

So yeah, I think I'm going to go see him soon, just gotta snag some bus fare first. No time like the present, right? Right…

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Sweet! Made some awesome pulls today! I went down to Peach Creek mall and the fucker was jam packed! If you don't know, it's a whole hell of a lot easier to loot some dude's pockets in a thick crowd versus some skimpy sidewalk. First I did my usual wait at the bus stop and scope out the incoming rides. Some guy showing off his god damn Hummer came hurtling in, driving the wrong way through the parking lot and cutting off some old lady to snag her parking spot; target acquired.

So up goes my hood and I follow clunk head into the mall. He hits on just about every young pretty face until he meets up with his boys, says shit like "S'up dawg," and "Yo home boy!" typical wigger slang. I trailed them until they turned into some surf themed shop. I cursed inwardly and took a seat at a nearby bench, because the way I dress would make me look odd browsing anything in that sort of store. Oh, and I also sit on an occupied bench when trying to go unnoticed. Might seem strange, but people assume you know who you sit with. Also, since I'm a girl, most people don't seem to mind it. If I was a boy it might be different, but whatever. Took out my phone, keeping a close eye on my prey all the while, and sent Double D a text about how I have a surprise awaiting him.

The dumb asses finally leave the store after hitting on the retail chick and getting nowhere and nothing, shouting taunts and jeers about how bad she knows she wants them while exiting. Dick heads. So they start heading my way and I get up to make the slap. This is one of my favorite snatching techniques. Basically what you do is find a pair of friends, one girl, and one guy. Usually when a guy gets friend zoned any little thing he does that could be taken as an advance on the girl will be taken as a severe asshole move. It's easy to pick them out, find the two who are not holding hands; chances are they fit the bill. Then I sneak up on the girl and slap her ass, making it seem like he did it, and time it just right so she reacts in front of my target.

It worked like a charm. She immediately slapped her friend across the face and started yelling at him, getting my target and his friends to watch and start adding in their own insults and mating calls. I took each of their wallets; four clean, unnoticed grabs. I love the hip-hop style; the baggy pants make it so easy to reach in and take, completely unnoticed.

Swiped all their change, dumped the wallets into a trashcan, and headed back home before anyone was the wiser. Just counted my loot before recording too, made a nice four-hundred and sixty-two bucks. I think that should be enough for a one way trip out to MIT by Greyhound. I'll go check the bus station tomorrow, just to be sure, and to get an idea about how long the drive is gonna be.

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Lee brought home another random guy today. If you ask me they all look like Eddy, short and baggy. She punched me in the bad eye last time I pointed this out, so I didn't bring it up. I don't think she is handling giving up on him as well as she says she is. He isn't really around either, moved out into the city, said the suburban life was cramping his style, more doe to be made out there. This is ironic because last I heard he was stuck working in a pizza parlor. I can't wait until he gets arrested for trying to scam people, should make Lee feel better, in any case.

Ed is still around; don't think he has the brains to really do anything with his life. I don't care, in the end, because May gave up on him after he didn't listen for the fifth or sixth time when she yelled at him to pull out. She wants a man who can support her anyway, and all he does is read comic books and watch porn all day. I think May can do better in any case, she isn't nearly as pretty as me, but she can get a better catch than Ed. Anyone could, really. He'll probably either join the military when he gets kicked out of his parent's place, or become a bum. That, or ranch work.

Anyways, to give Lee some privacy I went to go check on the Greyhound trip. I have enough, and some spare change for food on the way. It's gonna take a little more time than I want it to get out to my sweet cheeks, but I'm fine with that in the end, just somewhat pissed about the extra wait. Maybe I should snatch something to entertain me on the trip? A CD player, maybe? Should be easier to get away with than an iPod. Or even a good erotica story might be nice, get me in the mood for my Hunk-o'-man!

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She's still fucking going at it! And I have no idea where May ran off to. Oh, and I stole the book, by the way. Said to hell with the CD player, forgot that Lee has one so I'll just take hers. I'm getting fucking hungry, how much longer before she finishes up with this one and kicks him out too?

Ughh! I need to get on the computer and send these damn recordings. Damn it, if Double D was here he would let me use his computer. I used to go over to his place all the time, said it was to do homework but really I just surfed the web and broadened his music library. That or looked up porn. Heh, it was always a laugh to see him flip out over a bukake video, take over the computer, and immediately run a virus scan while deleting his browsing history. Then I would suggest we try that out too, and he would stutter and go red and offer to make us some dinner to change the subject… I really, really fucking miss having him around.

With his parents always gone it almost felt like his house was actually our house. My home away from home where we could just, I dunno, just be us. No distractions or other people to impress or uphold reputations for. During those times I told him some of my deepest and darkest secrets, and he would even open up to me some, admitting fears and uncertainties. He genuinely wondered if there was an afterlife or not. I told him not to worry about it, that he had me and I was fucking heaven on earth! He laughed, one of the first times I actually got him to laugh with me.

Its one of my happiest memories… I hope May is wrong, I hope everyone is fucking wrong! I know Double D wouldn't break my heart, he just wouldn't! He doesn't have it in him! He might just be too into his studies or something; it wouldn't be the first time he forgot to take care of me because something caught his interest. I think I'll wallop him first before I hug and kiss his brains out, making me worry like this and practically forcing me to take a long ass bus ride just to see his sorry ass! To make sure everything is okay! Ughh! Jerk! Handsome fucking jerk!

… I think they finished up, Lee sounds pissed off in any case. You know, if she still really cares about Eddy so much then I don't see why she doesn't go out and hunt down his ass. It wouldn't be too hard, she knows where he works after all. Though I suspect something went down between them. One day out of the blue Lee came home after trying to seduce Eddy and screamed that it was over, that she didn't need no god damn pipsqueak who wouldn't know a real woman if she kicked him in the balls. Then she said she kicked him twice, for good measure. I started laughing my guts out, and she started crying and locked herself in the bathroom, shower was on all night.

Yeah, looks like he's running. Finally, I think I'll get something to eat before sending these to that mysterious stranger. You kids be good and… honestly, think about how we feel before writing about our lives. It's so weird… Okay, I don't care about anyone else, but don't you dare make my Double D look bad! Later!


	3. Chapter 3

So… I'm about to get going while sitting in the back of this giant silver bus. It's really happening; I'm actually going to see my Double D in a matter of days! God, I'm so fucking excited! I'm so happy, I mean, its felt like there has been something missing in my life, and now I don't feel that anymore.

May and Lee already said their goodbyes, and like I thought they both fully supported my decision to go search out and hunt down my man. Heh, and baby will there ever be some hunting. It's just me, my board, and my bag. Oh, and Lee let me barrow her CD player. And by barrow, I mean she'll find out about me taking it when she gets home. Not like she needs it anyway, so why shouldn't I use it? Ah, and let's not forget the book I snagged, that should make the trip more bearable too.

I'm kinda curious about what a college campus is like. I mean, I have seen them on TV, yeah, but never in real life. Will they be able to tell right away that I'm not a student? Or can I blend in with all those smart people like I do with the dumb ones around here? Well, we'll see if I have to get new duds or not when I arrive.

I have never been to Massachusetts before, or even to an ocean side state. I want to see the beach! I want to hold hands with Double D as we walk through the waves, getting our feet wet and sandy. Oh, oh! And then get some beach food and walk down a peer and look over the ocean as the sun sets. Then go back to the beach and take a night time stroll, just the two of us. Huh, I'll need to buy some beach ware then, won't I? Funny, me buying things… Only for you, Double D, only for you.

Hee, and then maybe we can go night clubbin', get wasted, get grinding, kissing, rubbin', touching. Run back to his place, and get wild. I want it, I really fucking want it, and bad. He has no idea what's in store for him, and I kinda like it that way. Is he the luckiest guy in the world or what? I hope you're ready, Double D, and at the same time I hope you aren't… How long before this damn bus gets going anyway?!

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First stop, I already don't like this trip. A few seats ahead of me is this fat whining little fucking brat who plays his DS at full volume and screams whenever he messes up or dies. Then his mom just lets him do whatever the fuck he wants even though people around her complain loud and clear. I have a feeling I'm going to be the one to teach that piggy kid a lesson. Can't be anything too brash, don't want to get kicked off and delayed in seeing my sweet heart, so I'll have to be stealthy. I have some time to think up something, and plenty of new incentive every damn waking minute.

In other news I was just thinking, what kind of urban setting will Massachusetts have? Anything good for parkour? I sure hope so; I already have the urge to go do some runs. Maybe I will on the way to his school after my final stop? Yeah, maybe… We'll see if I'm still feeling restless or not.

Ughh! Can you hear that damn squealing brat? I swear I'm gonna kill him. God damn it, I would never let my kids get away with crap like that. Double D can give them plenty of fun and love, I'll be the enforcer. My kids will know their place, and be beautiful like me, and smart like their daddy. Heh, we'll make perfect little babies. And I just know he's going to be a great dad, leaps and bounds beyond anything my shit of a father ever was.

I never really talked about dad to Double D, now that I think about it. Guess I was too worried with the happening aspects of my life to ever really dwell on that no show. If I do ever run into him though, you can be sure that there will be hell to pay. Asshole.

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Okay, I don't think anyone can hear me. It's the second day of this long ass trip. The seats get uncomfortable fast, I don't have a pillow or blanket, and I already read all of the juicy parts in my book. Not to mention it's almost impossible to get to sleep on this damn thing. The engine is loud as all hell and people all around are either snoring or theirs kids are whining.

That porky kid with the DS got his though. We had a two hour stop, so the first thing I did was get a map of the area. I was looking for a pawn shop within walking distance, and by a stroke of luck there was one not all too far away, at least not by skate board. So can you guess what I did? That's right; I stole his fucking DS and hawked it.

It wasn't too hard either, just had to wait for one of them, meaning either his mother or him, to use the bathroom. He needed to go first, so his mom at least had the common sense to not let him take his game in there with him. It's funny how much people let their guards down when they are tired. She sat at a table and put her son's belongings next to her, keeping a keen eye on the bathroom door. I snuck up behind her, lifted his little black treasure, and upped my hood before walking into the boy's bathroom. One fluid motion.

Why the boy's bathroom? To make an alter ego. I was the only one around the lady and she might have noticed that, so if she hasn't gotten a good look at my face yet she might not know if I'm a guy or girl, considering how I dress. I took a quick piss in the stall. Washed up, and headed outside.

After turning a corner I took off for the pawn shop on my board, and like I thought it didn't take too long to find the place. Scored a nice fifty-five bucks off the thing. Then I turned my hoodie inside out, it's one of those reversible kinds with different colors on the inside versus the outside, tied it around my mid drift and headed back for the bus station.

Even before I got back into the building I could hear the kid crying up a storm. His mom was talking to a security guard while trying in vain to hush up her brat. I smiled to myself as I got something warm to eat, enjoying the spoils of my victory. I made sure to pass by the scene of the crime with in ear shot to hear her give a very shady description of a young man who hid his face beneath a dark blue hood. Nothing like my light gray hoodie tied about my waist, and I'm a girl! You know, I'm feeling much better all of a sudden, maybe I'll try reading that book properly to pass the time.

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This is supposed to be the last day of traveling. I actually got some sleep, and feel damn proud of myself. I don't even know why, but boy did I need it. I had a nice dream… sort of. It started out with me in the junkyard near my place. You guys know the one, right? I spotted Double D off in the distance and tried running to him, but my feet were heavier than usual and slowed me down. He hid in an old beat up van and locked me out. And no matter how much I pounded or pleaded, he wouldn't let me in.

I heard him in there saying he loved his new home, new life, and new friends, and that he couldn't risk how perfect it was. I tried looking in but the windows had suddenly become too tinted to see through. I broke the glass of the windshield then, and it shattered into a million tiny pieces. He cried out in fear, saying that I had ruined his life and made everyone hate him… okay, this dream sucked ass for him, but I at least got to tackle him and kiss him all over.

I used to worry about dreams like this, but they are just dreams, nothing special. Double D even said so himself; told me that they are simply the mind clearing out useless information or solving troubling problems while we are in the grips of REM sleep. Wow, I actually remembered all that, cool.

My schedule says I should be arriving in a few hours. Then I can either be there in about ten minutes by taxi, or an hour to two by board… I think I'll take the taxi, let's just hope there is one there when I arrive.

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You guys want the good news or bad news first? Heh, too bad! Good news, I'm here! Two days on that stinking stupid bus finally over! I can't wait to start smelling that sea breeze. Bad news, I have to wait for the taxi to get here. I already called home to tell them that I have arrived, after I ordered a cab that is. May is rooting for me, says to take pictures. I said I would, though I don't have a camera, but that can be remedied easy enough. Lee on the other hand is furious that I took her CD player. She said I'm a sneaky no good bitch and hopes Edd dumps my ass. As if! She's just jealous that my man turned out to be the only decent one. I can't help it if Eddy is a no good con artist stuck working in food.

I heard that whining kid who lost his DS get told to shut up by his mom. Thank god, he needs a hard spanking too if you ask me. Oh, and I left the book behind on the bus, don't really want it anymore. Someone else can find it and get a few kicks, call it my good dead for the day.

What else? What else?... Hmm, I guess I can tell you guys some more about the other Peach Creek gang while I wait for my taxi. I never really got to know anyone around the cul-de-sac besides the Eds, not well anyway, but I still pick up a few things here or there. Who to start with though?...

Why not Nazz? You know, peppy and upbeat type? Skinny, blonde, with a nice ass and pair of tits to match; in other words, all the makings for a perfect nightmare. She went off to college too, didn't pay attention to where though, but nothing in comparison to my Double D's, I'm sure. She and Kevin got together in high school, lasted until graduation too. I don't know about now though, or even if he went to college or not. I think I heard Eddy complaining that Kevin thought he was such a big hot shot in his motor cross team once. Eh, done with those two.

Ed's little sister Sarah is as much of a loudmouth brat as ever. I only hear about her because May always stayed over and came back with stories. If you thought she was bad before, you have no idea what she's like when her period starts. Every man in sight suddenly becomes the devil to her, even her little squirt of a fluff ball friend, umm… damn it! What was his name? Johnny? No, that's that weird kid with the chunk of wood… James?... Jimmy! I remember now, its Jimmy! Yeah, she even throttles him when she's on her rag. She just recently graduated high school, Jimmy too, no idea what their plans are though. May thinks she heard something about beauty school, well, whatever.

Well, since I already mentioned Johnny I guess he's up next. Oh man, after that whole Eddy's big brother incident he had a huge falling out with the rest of the gang. Yeah, the Eds got accepted into the clique, and were happy, and I was jealous and happy for my Double D, but holy hell did that freak kid go crazy, I mean, really fucking crazy. He made it his life's mission to bring as much misery to our boyfriends as possible. Started wearing a gourd or something on his head at all times, and became even more obsessed with that hunk of wood he called his friend. Me and my sisters had to pound his ass more than a few times to get him to back off of our lover boys. Still, it wasn't so bad; I think that is about the time when Double D started appreciating having me around. We still had a few years to go before we got as close as we did but it was a nice turning point.

Anyone else? Hmm… the farm boy, Rolph, not much has changed with him. Goes back to his home land more often these days, but is usually back in town before too long. Don't really know what he does besides farm work though. He still hires Ed every so often, calling him the last of the rung Ed boy. I think he misses having Kevin and Nazz around, probably Ed and Double D too. Can't say I blame him, it is quiet back home without them. Ed still makes a ruckus every so often, but it just aint the same, ya know?

Ah, there's my ride. I'll tell you kids how it goes, okay? I think I'll be too busy catching up with my sugar muffin to really get these out so often, but either way wish me luck. Huh, I wonder if that school of his has a computer I can upload these on?... Yeah, yeah! I hear ya! I'm coming!


	4. Chapter 4

I'm in a really piss poor mood right now. It's almost night time and I still haven't found Double D yet. First thing I did was go search out the library, thinking there was a good chance he was in there. Well, he wasn't. I checked every floor and private little study room, nothing. I did find a computer to upload my last few sessions on though. Sure, it was a pain in the ass trying to figure out their overly complicated guest log on, but I got through.

Then lunch time came around and I found the cafeteria. That wasn't too hard, just followed my nose, really. But no matter how hard I looked I couldn't find him there either. Had me some pizza though, which was way better than the half hearted crap and junk food found at every bus stop on the way here. After I finished eating I took a stroll around the campus, thinking maybe he liked to eat alone or at least away from all the hustle and bustle. That search turned out to be fruitless too.

I did notice one thing though; aside from my skateboard I'm not all that much of a sore thumb in the crowd here. All the students are about my age and don't wear very flashy colors. Sure, for the most part they are probably better groomed, and by better I mean more professionally, but at a passing glance I would say I'm pretty incognito.

This fucking sucks though, I wanted to have found him by now, have him show me around town, or at least to the beach. And if I don't find him soon then where am I going to sleep tonight? You ever tried sleeping on a park bench? It aint something I like repeatin' if I can avoid it. Heh, just remembered something. Sometimes I would get into a huge fight with either May or Lee, or sometimes both, and I couldn't stand staying in our trailer. In fact it would probably be retarded if I did sleep in there considering the crap we pull.

Anyway, so I would just barge out and head to Double D's place. His parents were never home anyway, so it's not like he had to ask permission on short notice or nothin'. Did I say this before? Whatever, so I could come to his place and just hang out. He always seemed to notice if I was in a foul mood, and tried his best to cheer me up… I don't like having these doubts. Now I'm thinkin' he only comforted me so I would be less of a pain to him… But he was so kind! I know he cared! He would tell me about how I was always doing the right thing coming to him to talk about it, you know, versus taking my anger out on someone else.

Then if it was a cold night he would make us some hot cocoa, or if it was warm then ice cream was in order. He knew sweet things seemed to always brighten my mood. Hell, I could go for some right about now. Sometimes I would try to cuddle with him on his couch, TV on some learning channel. At first he would always find a reason to get up and do busy work, blushing like fire. But eventually I got him to stay put by just holding onto him as he tired himself out. After he realized I just wanted to cuddle he seemed to relax some, though… No, can't think like that!

Think, stupid, how can I find my lover? What would he suggest if we were looking for someone?... Maybe the school has him on record? Oh, duh! Of course they would, I doubt Eddward would go to a school without them having all of his up to date information. Okay guys, I'm gonna go try my luck with… umm, would that be a records office or something? Yeah, I feel good about this already.

-----

God, is it that late already? Okay, so where to begin?... Right, so after asking around I finally got pointed to the Admissions and Records office. But even though they had a file on my love dove they couldn't tell me anything because it would violate privacy laws or some bull shit. They didn't care when I told them I was his girlfriend, and when they asked why I couldn't just call him, I made up a lie on the spot, said I was going to surprise him.

So what is a crafty person like me to do? Distract and extract, of course. To keep it short one of their windows are broken and I peeked over the counter while it happened; went to a new person to ask this time too, after the last one left of course. Oh, you want to know how I broke the window while in the office, right? Course you do. I bribed a drunk guy to do it. Spotted him earlier, guess there is a pub on campus. So I upped my hood, made my voice sound gruff, and offered him fifty bucks if he could bash in the office window. Then I did the ol' switch the hoddie inside out trick when he was out of sight, and rushed into the office. The rest is history, as they say. Best part is he's stuck looking for a guy to pay him, or at least he is saying a guy put him up to it to campus security. So I'm not paying him shit in the end!

I wrote down his address as soon as possible and got some directions on a computer. I'm on my way now by foot, just covered most of the distance by board. I'm so excited! I'm almost there! I hope he's still up, and too bad if he aint. Hee hee!

-----

He's not home… I know it's a Sunday night too, so doesn't he have classes tomorrow? What if I got the wrong address? God damn it, maybe I fucked up one number or something… Ughh! This is so frustrating! I'm so damn close but there's no sign of him in sight! At least I can smell the ocean now, it really is salty. Fuck, I don't want to have to bum it out for tonight, I was really looking forward to cuddling in his arms instead. All warm and soft in his bed, little kisses here and there, me playing with his hair, tiny nibbles, snuggling…

Sounds so much better than right here, right now. I'm on the roof of his apartment complex, wasn't too hard to hop the fence and scale a wall. It's getting kinda cold… okay, pretty damn cold. I keep looking around for any sign of him, every time I hear a voice or a door open or car pull in, but, uh, nothing. Maybe he's at a friend's place or something? That would be just my luck too. Or pulling an all nighter somewhere? Like a lab or something? He might have a test or presentation tomorrow, who's to say? If he would answer his damn phone then I would know! I've called him at least twenty times since getting off that fucking bus! Ughh!... I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm cold, and I need a shower… but most of all I'm lonely… Where the hell are you Double D?

Oh, he's started again. Heh, for the past half hour someone has been playing a violin in the distance, and its kinda… kinda nice. I like listening to it, and if I wasn't waiting for Mr. Inconsiderate to show up I would probably go out there and get a better show. Though I wonder, who plays violin in the middle of the night by the sea? Silly… Hmm…

You know, Double D always wanted to learn the violin, I remember one birthday of his I really wanted to save up to pay for lessons. But, well, they aint cheap, and we aint rich. I did save up a lot, considering our income, but it was nowhere close. Instead I made him a birthday card and put in all the money I had collected. I wrote a note saying what it was intended for, and that if he wanted he could make it a start in that direction. All he did was say thank you and moved onto the next gift, new computer with all the specs he ever wanted, completely outshining me.

I know I shouldn't be bitter but god damn it! How the hell do I compete with that?! Fuck you Nazz and Kevin, fuck you. They weren't crisp new fucking dollars but I worked really hard for that money, and they just asked their parents and got whatever the hell they wanted. So who's gift was more heartfelt, huh? Huh?!... And the worst part is, before I went home that night, I saw my card had been left on the dining room table. Everything else was brought up in his room, but no, guess my home made and dirty stuff just looks too much like fucking garbage, don't it?!

Why can't that shit head play anything happy?! Know what? He aint showing! I'm going to go check out Mr. Violin. I should be able to leave my shit here on the roof and not worry about it… Maybe I'll bring the recorder too, just in case… See ya.

-----

I hope that fucking ass face drowns. I just got back from checking out the violinist. When I was heading over there I half wondered if it might have been Double D. I dunno why, maybe he could have picked up the violin while he was out here and taught himself? And maybe he actually used the money I got him as a starting point for it? But alas, no, it was just a guy wasting time at the end of a dock.

I think he was trying to entice chicks too, because when I approached he immediately started flirting. Talk about desperate. I even tried to be nice, telling him I wasn't interested, that I came a long way out here to see my boyfriend. He didn't take no for an answer though, so I had to kick his ass. The thing is he fought back, and knew how to too. So I kicked him in the nuts, kneed him in the face (I think I felt his nose break,) and tossed him over into the ocean. Not wanting to stick around or leave much evidence behind, I took his violin, case and all.

So now I'm back on the roof, cold and just as stressed as ever. I guess I could go find a motel or something, but then I might be out of money sooner than expected. And I haven't scoped this area out yet, so I don't know where the best places are to make some pulls. Not to mention I'm hungry… could go for a burger right now, or maybe a sandwich. Something with a lot of meat, but lettuce too, and pickles.

Say, you guys ever wonder if you're crazy or not? I think I must be, coming all this way to see a man who I'm not sure even loves me anymore, or if he ever loved me to begin with, and then waiting on a roof top all night long because there is a chance he might show up in the area. Yeah, sounds pretty messed up to me. But you know, Double D is worth it… to me, at least. I hope he realizes that much.

Heh, I wonder what he's gonna say when I finally find his ass. Probably something like, "Oh goodness Marie, how ever did you come to find it the right conclusion would be to transverse hundreds of miles for but a mere glimpse of me!" Glimpse my ass! I haven't even so much as… seen… Well speak of the devil. Later guys, I think that's him. I'll get this out in… I dunno, why am I still talking?


	5. Chapter 5

I've been listening to the same song over and over again. There are no words, and the only meaning you can get from it is the title. I found it on Double D's music library and it felt like something relevant. I don't know how or if the person who transcribes these sessions can do anything with this, but, well, listen…

I heard you were supposed to delete all traces of my voice after you finished writing down my words. I don't even know who you are but I feel like I should say sorry, or… say something. I'm just talking here, I don't know what I really want to say, or if I should say anything. It's funny, at first I felt so timid around this recorder, had to make a big bad girl impression just to talk in it. But the more I got used to it, the more I have opened up. Now it's like the only friend I have out here.

I could tell you about what happened the other night, and there is a lot to tell, but… I just can't right now, I'm sorry guys. I saw that some of you were rooting for me and some of you were warning me, and thanks, but it can't really help me now. I feel so fucking worthless. I just want to cry and cry and cry and dissolve into nothing. I don't even want to exist right now.

I called home and told them what happened. May says it will be okay and I should come home, and then Lee kicked her off and started yelling at me. Says I got what I deserved and if I do show my ugly face again that she will beat the crap out of it. I got so mad and… and… well, my phone is broken now. Way beyond repair too, or at least I thought so until Double D said he would fix it for me.

I'm hungry but don't feel like eating. I'm thirsty but only want either water or booze. He's letting me stay here until I can save up for another trip out, this time by plane. I'm not taking that damn bus again; I have enough to feel shitty over. I stay in all day and just kinda lay here. Or I get on his computer and look at my story so far. Wish you guys would say more, I could use a pick-me-up, even if it is from people I don't know… but I guess everyone is busy these days. It seems impossible that I was ever that excited about coming here.

I wish I was that happy right now, but I just feel empty and useless and insignificant and… just not good enough. Maybe I should have tried harder in school. He was always top of his class; I should have guessed he would be going places. I should have predicted it and tried harder too, so I could follow him and look like someone worthwhile!

I don't want you guys to think he was mean to me or anything, or that I'm weak, even if that's the way I feel, no… more like I'm inferior. I yelled at him and screamed at him and cried for what seemed like hours, and he stayed calm and was genuinely sorry to have put me through it. That didn't help my mood any, but, I don't know, it doesn't make it worse I guess. May wasn't exactly right, but wasn't all that wrong either. He's moved on, or I should say he was never there.

He never loved me, never wanted to be anything more than friends. He thought that maybe if he just disappeared slowly then I would get bored of him and move on. Stupid fucking idiot! I don't care how smart this fucking school says he is, he doesn't have any idea how… how… how ignorant of a woman's heart he is! UUGGGHHHHH!

-----

Is this thing still working? I hope so… yeah, good. I almost broke my new friend, sorry about throwing you there… So… I think I can talk about it a little more now. Where did I leave you guys off last? I think I had just spotted him. Yeah, so I was on the roof talking into my recorder about Double D when the man himself walked through the front gate into the apartment complex.

I stopped recording and hopped off the roof. But I completely forgot my hood was on to help keep me a little warm, so all he saw was a dark figure running right after him. He shouted for help and turned to run, only I was faster and tackled him, ending up on top and pinning him to the grass. He begged for his life and told me to take anything I wanted… and, well, I just realized what he must of thought was going on and kinda played along. Let's see if I can remember the exact exchange, or at least something close.

"Anything, huh?" I asked with a kind of hunger in my voice.

"Yes! Please! Just spare me!" He shouted in fear for his life. His eyes were closed and his arms were covering his face.

"Then how about a kiss?" I asked in my usual sultry tone, it made him pause for a second.

"A-a kiss?!"

"Yeah, let's move those arms out'a the way," and I took a hold of his wrists and pinned them on either side of his head. He looks so damn kissable when he's shivering in fear, I had forgotten.

Suddenly his eyes got all wide as he got a good look at my face, and probably from recognizing my voice too. "Marie?!" he shouted, the look of terror on his face being replaced with surprise, and I think something like relief.

"You know I kiss first and ask questions later, Double D," only when I leaned in he struggled and turned his face, so all my lips made contact with was his cheek.

"What are you doing here?" he asked while still trying to break free, only he has never been the muscular type, that's my forte.

"What else?" I responded, letting his wrists go and helping him up as I stood, "I missed the hell out of you! Now come 'ere!" Then I hugged him. I hugged him long and hard, then gently, though firmly. I didn't want to let go, he was always so warm and soft… "You never called, you never responded to any of my messages; I thought something terrible was happening! Oh, I don't care right now. You can tell me later, right now I just want to hug you."

"Marie…"

"Just… Hug me, Double D."

But he didn't hug me. Instead he took hold of my shoulders and tried to guide me away. I didn't budge though, just held on tighter and told him to stop messing around and hug me back.

"Marie, you are frightening me."

"Frightening you? I'm just hugging you!"

"Yes, well, therein lies the predicament."

"I'm not in the mood to play games… I got here in the morning and looked all over school for you. Then I kept looking through out lunch time, and way past dinner. I had to find this address and I have been here all night waiting for you to show up!" I did let go of him then, "Where the hell were you?! Why didn't you answer my calls?!"

"Uh, well… I was exceedingly indisposed today. So…" Then I think he saw the look on my face and quickly changed gears, "I-uh! W-well… I apologize to have worried you… B-but you know, I would have returned to your messages in due time, I'm just cursed with an extreme lack of recreation."

"I'm cold, Double D…"

"You… Have actually been stationed here the entirety of the night?"

"Yes."

He looked guilty then, and I wanted to smother him in all my hate and love at the same time, "I, um, I do apologize to have been so unaware of your predicament, Marie."

"… You're lucky I'm so glad to see you, or else I would beat you up for being so rude, so… so inconsiderate!"

He looked off to the side and down to his feet, I smiled. I knew he had no idea I was waiting for him, though he should have. So I hugged him again and tried to give him another kiss, but he turned his face from mine again.

"What's the matter now?" I asked, a bit miffed.

"N-nothing, um, we should get you inside, if, uh, I mean since you have been awaiting my arrival all throughout the night in this chilly marine temperature."

And I was right, you know, about his apartment number and stuff. He was just a no show. Before letting me in I showed off a bit for him by jumping onto the second story railing and then leaping from there to get to the roof. After collecting my stuff I hopped back down the way I came. He was surprised I think, looked it anyways and "commended" my "athletic prowess."

Inside his place was small; I think they call it a studio apartment. One big room slash kitchen and then a closet and bathroom. I immediately liked that he had only one bed, thinking to myself that there was no way he was sneaking out of my clutches tonight.

"Cozy," I said, trying not to giggle.

"Yes, well, the student living provided is rather accommodating."

"Course I can tell this is your place right away, no doubt about it. Everything is all squared away and labeled." I dropped my bag by the foot of his bed and made myself comfortable on his sleeping quarters. He didn't seem too at ease with this, but then again, I was thinking he never was. I mean he was raised by two no show parents who slept in separate beds, what does that tell you?

"Ah, listen, Marie-"

"SEESH! I need a shower really bad. You got fresh towels?"

"Oh, certainly, they are stored with in the closet just beside the wash room. But, I must insist-"

"I'm sure it can wait, butter muffin, I really reek. I shouldn't be too long, oh, and can ya fix me up something to eat? I'm starving!" I picked up my bag and made my way to a long awaiting and well deserved shower. He looked confused and a bit annoyed, but that's how he always is when I get bossy... that, or scared.

By the way, that shower? One of my favorites. Didn't even touch myself, no, it was all about relief. I had made it, no more waiting. I was with my man again after so many years and all my worries were washing away.

When I got out I was only dressed in a pair of boxers and an old T-shirt. My eye patch had been removed, but I still kept the scarred eye covered by a wave of blue bangs. Like a good boy he had my food ready to go.

"I'm sorry I do not possess anything more appetizing," he apologized, not even looking at the microwaveable dinner, "But, considering such a short notice-"

"It's fine, Double D, thanks," and that shut his ramblings right up. Dinner went by fast enough, and he just sat with me there at the small table, seemingly out of a use for his large vocabulary.

After I finished he cleaned up for me and asked if I needed a toothbrush. If this had come from anyone else I would take offence. But this was the overly considerate boy I missed, so I let it slide. "No, I got one. I'll go freshen up some more then," I went back to the bathroom, made use of his toothpaste and mouth wash, more because I missed using his stuff more than anything, and then reappeared before him.

He was still sitting at the table, which kinda annoyed me, but I joined him in any case. He seemed nervous, which lightened my mood. I really had missed him like no one's business. "So… Did ya miss me?"

"Uh, er, well, you see the thing is, oh, where to begin?"

"I think it's easiest to just start, twinkle eyes," I took one of his hands in my own as I sat opposite him once more, he bit his lower lip, "But a simple yes or no would go miles."

"Um, indeed, well, oh this is not precisely the way I had imagined for you to be enlightened…"

"So, enlighten me," I smirked, "Did you miss me or not?"

"I'm sure I did, but I need to, eh, will you promise me that you will not become enraged?"

"What, you got bad news or somethin'?"

"In a matter of speaking, I suppose you may refer to it as such."

"What happened?"

"Well, I never exactly predicted you would come hound me to my new residency."

"Tch! You of all people should know I'm unpredictable! But why is that bad news? You're… starting to worry me."

"I don't mean to, I assure you, but Marie I had thought you would simply leave me and move on."

"…Excuse me?" My heart had skipped a beat, my hand tightened around his own…

I don't really wanna paraphrase or whatever anymore, shit, I'm sure I messed up what we said enough already. But that is the gist of it. He wanted to end it, said he never loved me, but didn't have the heart to break mine. Not after how close we became and how much he knew it meant to me. He said we were never a couple, but only I insisted so much that I believed it. He… he thinks it's unfair to carry on like this, that I don't deserve to stay with someone who doesn't love me back…

I… I hit him. I slapped him right across the face. I think it was the first time a woman ever slapped him, he looked shocked and pained. Then I started yelling at him and tossing over his tale and just verbally abusing him as much as I could. He tried to control me, tried to lessen my anger, but he was just adding fuel to the fire. Eventually I wore myself down to a broken pile of tears and sobs. He tried to comfort me but I never gave him a response. Then he offered his place for me to stay until I decided to go.

And how did I answer that? Well, I asked him why he didn't love me. What was so wrong about me? Why wasn't I good enough? And you know what he told me? The fucking truth. Oh, sure, he asked if I really wanted an honest answer, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. He said we were completely different, had no common interests, no shared values, and no foundations to even build a relationship. He basically called me too stupid for him, though I'm just realizing that now.

Well, you guys can guess what that did for me. I exploded, shouted about how we have kissed before, we told each other secrets we have never shared with anyone else, that he was my date for my senior prom, and I was his date for his. I even brought up that I was his first. Oh, guess that was a touchy subject for him though. He started yelling at me then, saying that was a mistake, that I had gotten him drunk at his own farewell party and had my way with him. That he felt violated and despicable when he woke up the next morning. Yeah, I slapped him for that too. Gave him a piece of my mind, telling him it was one of the happiest moments of my life, and he won't even acknowledge that! He went silent…

We kept it going past the early hours of the morning. I would bring up something special between us, he would explain it away, and then we would shout until I struck him, then silence for a while until I started up again. Eventually though we were both exhausted. I was angry with him but longed for him. I thought maybe if we just slept together everything would be alright. All would be forgiven and we might be able to pick up the pieces and continue where we left off.  
Instead he crashed on his own couch, and I took up his bed before crying myself to sleep… I need a break…

-----

You know, by all accounts I should have left that next morning, but he did one of the sweetest things, he made my absolute favorite breakfast in the world. A monster sized breakfast burrito stuffed full of every breakfast meat, scrambled eggs, hash browns with diced bell peppers and onions, and Colby jack and spicy jack cheese. He even had a pitcher of OJ out and my favorite hot sauce ready to go. Guess he felt guilty.

He apologized over and over again and said he knew his method was wrong, that he should have been more straightforward and honest, but was scared of hurting me like he did last night. I didn't have any words for him, just ate my breakfast and stared. It's been very quiet since then. I don't say a whole lot, even when he tries to start conversation. Pretty awkward… no fun at all. He leaves in the morning for school or work or whatever after making breakfast for me, I stay inside and just watch TV or browse the web all day, and then he comes home and makes dinner…

The most interesting thing to happen so far is the broken phone, which he has set up at a work bench. Ah, there is one other thing, I have moved over to the couch, completely my choice… You know, I've been thinking. Maybe I shouldn't just accept that it's over, that he'll never love me. No, maybe this is my last chance… I don't want to have come all this way just to get dumped! Fuck that! I'm Marie fucking Kanker! That's it, starting right now I'm going to give it one last go, and really mean it. Really, really mean it. He can't just say it's over, and I won't let it be. Just you watch guys; I'll win his heart for real this time, fair and square. Thanks for all the support and wish me luck!


	6. Chapter 6

Wow, it's been a few days, huh? Saturday! The weekend! Time for parties and relaxation! Right? Well, not if you're a workaholic like Mr. Double Downer. No, instead he's struggling to figure something out over his work bench. I tried asking him what's up but he just politely asks me to let him think on his schematics. Ah, right, forgot to mention we are on speaking terms again. He couldn't take the cold shoulder approach for very long and to be honest I was getting pretty damn bored. So I used his fixing up my phone as a sort of… getting back on track gimmick.

But what really got me to pick up my recorder again was a sudden flash of inspiration! I think I know what I have to do to get him to really notice me! To really, you know, consider me as more than a friend! Okay, get this, I'm gonna learn how to play that stolen violin! Think about it, he has always admired people who know how to play it, right? And most of the music on his library is of the violin. Oh, and he's always wished to learn it, so why not? If I can learn how to run across rooftops, or skateboard, or pickpocket, or even pick locks, then how hard can this really be?

I'll start off how I usually do when learning something new, I'll watch someone who knows how to do it. And it'll also be a way to spend more time with him, you know, other than being a burden on his wallet. I'm going to spend the rest of my money on concert tickets, I was looking up the venues and who is playing where, when, blah blah blah. The point is I need to show him I'm not just some foul mouthed piece of trailer trash. And if I have to go see an orchestra to do it, then I will. At least I'll be seeing it with him.

I can just say the tickets are an apology, sorry for coming over and making your life stressful again… Why does that make me so mad? Ughh! Whatever, I know what I need to do, and I need to get doing it before it's too late. Ah, one more thing, I don't really have enough money left over for good seats, let alone something to wear, so, well, I gotta go snag a few more wallets. Gonna go do that now, in fact. I'll be back later…

-----

This is gonna take longer than I thought. So I got a few pulls, but nothing all that great cash wise. Only made a hundred bucks about, and that should only cover the cost of the dress… if I'm thrifty. Course I was only walking the streets, and people don't carry a whole lotta loot like that. I need to hit something bigger and busier, maybe a mall or marketplace or something. I'll look them up later.

I was thinking just now, should I take him along with me to go dress shopping, or should I do it on my own?… I really need to be careful about everything I do from now on, I mean he doesn't think I have any class, and I want to show him he's wrong. That I am the girl for him… I would go out again but he'll be home soon, and I don't know if he can tell when I lie or not. What I'm saying is I don't want him getting suspicious, this needs to be a surprise. And you guys are right; I probably shouldn't let him know where my money comes from. Hell, I've know that! I just gotta keep on my toes.

You know, I should probably call home soon. Tell them the new plan, see if Lee has calmed down or not, stuff like that. I think I will, be back with an update in a sec!

-----

Seems life is just as exciting back home as ever. Mom picked up the phone, and we talked about if what I'm doing is a good idea. She says all men are pigs and will only hurt me in the end, that I'm setting myself up for another let down. Then she says I need to come home soon because I have chores to do and rent to pay. I told her I'm on vacation and she started yelling about how I was a snide ass little ungrateful bitch.

Then I heard Lee yell, "Why didn't you tell me Marie was on the phone?!" I heard them yell at each other for awhile until my older sister finally manage to get on. Guess what? She's still pissed at me, but I told her to chill and that I'll send her CD player back soon. Then she went on and on about how it was the principle of the matter and I'm not gonna talk my way out of a beating. I have now decided to sell her CD player too; maybe I'll use the cash to buy lunch or something later.

When May got on she asked if I was sure about all this. Of course I'm sure! That's why I'm doing it! That ditz really has no brains or beauty. Oh, and guess what? According to my dumbass little sister Ed has been trying to hook up with her again, why? He misses having a pussy around, and realized no one else is gonna touch his dick. I still think May could do better, but if she's stupid enough to go back to him and get knocked up like mom, then she deserves it.

Now Eddy, on the other hand, seems to have gone missing. May says he wasn't at work yesterday or the day before. When I asked how she knew Eddy was gone she says Lee told her. Guess Lee has been stalking him again. You know, when you think about it, he might have just noticed her around and decided to up and go. Eddy was always a coward like that, couldn't man up when the chips are down. Don't see why Lee is so hung up on him still. We'll see what happens, I guess.

Oh man, what good timing, I hear Double D whistling on his way up. Gotta go, bye.

-----

Double D already made us dinner and is now in the shower. But one mystery gained, one mystery solved. We talked about the phone call back home over dinner, and he was interested to hear how his old friends were doing. I brought him as much up to speed as I could, but you know, I only hear what May or Lee have to say these days, mostly May though. He felt embarrassed and apologetic over Ed's actions, which I found kinda funny. And then he didn't seem too surprised about Eddy disappearing.

He said something like, "Oh, I am well informed as to Eddy's whereabouts. He sent me a text message today by cellular device during noontime. He's seeking refuge from your elder sister at an acquaintance's home. Apparently she has been stalking him these past few months. Oh my…"

"What is it?" I asked, not at all surprised at either of Lee or Eddy's actions.

"I promised Eddy I would not tell as single soul, stupid, stupid, stupid!"

"Quit beating yourself up!" I nearly laughed, "Me and Lee are fighting, like hell I'll tell her where Eddy is!"

"Really?..."

"Really," I grinned, "Aint my concern what those two do. But don't be surprised if Lee does find him, she has a way of always sniffing him out."

"Yes, well, putting your sister's olfactory senses aside, if Eddy becomes privy about your visit here, he will surely point the blame upon myself."

"Yeah? And how do ya reckon he'll find out?"

"Why through Ed, naturally."

"Naturally, huh?"

"Just think about it, you say that Ed is attempting to court May once again, correct?"

"Uh huh…"

"Well, we are all knowledgeable about Ed's… special mannerisms."

"You thinkin' he'll blab?"

"The way I know Ed? It is inevitable, especially if May were to try and coerce the information out of him, bless his soul."

There you have it; Since Eddy must have told Ed his plan he seems like a goner any way ya look at it. God, I should really stop trying to quote my conversations… I think the way Double D talks is rubbing off on me again, my vocabulary is starting to get bigger it seems. Well, good, anything to impress him, right? Right…

-----

You know, what one of you guys said has got me thinking, maybe I should get Double D to help me record these sessions. He doesn't need to know they get posted online, just… I dunno, maybe I can tell him it's like a sort of digital journal or dairy, which it kinda is, if you think about it. We'll see how he reacts when he sees me talking into it.

Right now he's in the bathroom getting ready for bed, though I don't know why; it's still only about seven on a Saturday night! I know he's busy and all but still, you gotta have some fun in your life too! I'd go fucking crazy if I was stuck working indoors all day. I need a release, something to make life more interesting, more fun!... I think he might be listening in…

So anyway, all work and no play makes Marie a dull dame… Yes?

Edd: Oh, please do not mind me, I figured you were perhaps in use of your cell phone.

Marie: Nope, just making another entry.

Edd: I see, um, sorry to interrupt your recording session. I'll just be-

Marie: You're not interrupting, sweetie. I like making these interesting, more fun to listen to.

Edd: Ah, well then, I should-

Marie: Kinda stupid, huh, owning one of these? Making a diary like this because it's faster than writing.

Edd: Oh goodness, no, I do not feel it to be stupid at all. In fact it is quite clever to have a means to preserve your thoughts and feelings in such an easy to understand medium. Why, I doubt any would misinterpret your words if they were to stumble across such recordings.

Marie: Heh, looks like you have something to say too. Come over here, let's do an interview!

Edd: A-An interview? Now? But I have so much work left unfinished.

Marie: It'll be there tomorrow! Just sleep on it tonight, c'mon! You never know, it might be fun~!

Edd: Really now…

Marie: Yes, really, right now! C'mon Double D! Please~?

Edd: Oh… Well, alright, I suppose if it doesn't take too long then I have some time to spare. It's frightening how you always manage to obtain whatever you desire.

Marie: Not everything…

Edd: Pardon?

Marie: Hm? Oh, just thinking aloud. Here, sit down while I start a new file.

-----

Marie: The breathtakingly beautiful Marie Kanker here with none other than the most intelligent man of our age, Mr. Double D!

Edd: Now I wouldn't say that, why, in my own honest opinion-

Marie: Did I mention how humble he is, ladies?

Edd: L-Ladies? Who exactly is our target audience?

Marie: The whole wide world, of course!

Edd: I see, well… Where to begin?

Marie: Oh ho! Aren't you an eager one? I haven't even asked any questions yet!

Edd: Oh gracious, where are my manors? I do apologize.

Marie: Don't worry! I'm sure all of your fans and followers expect nothing less. So, why don't you tell us about yourself?

Edd: Fans?... Oh, of course, what would you like to know?

Marie: How's about… give us a description, a profile, you know, anything like that should work.

Edd: Very well. Hello, um, everyone, my name is Eddward. I am currently a twenty-one year old student in attendance at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. I have black hair, brown eyes, and stand at a height of five feet and seven inches while weighing in at around one-hundred and thirty pounds. Will that suffice?

Marie: Lovely, now tell us a little about yourself.

Edd: Okay, well, I have ventured out to this State to pursue an education in the fields of electronic and computer engineering with an emphasis on invention and innovation sciences.

Marie: Wow, and how has that worked out for ya so far?

Edd: Draining, but rewarding.

Marie: Now that we know your goals, tell us about what you do for fun.

Edd: Err, fun? Well, I collect classical music to listen to while I peruse local museums and exhibitions.

Marie: Snoresville! I mean real fun! Real, uh, recreation! Something that gets your blood pumping!

Edd: Oh, well I suppose I do enjoy cooking. I would not assume to have the skills of an Iron Chef, but people do seem to enjoy my culinary arts.

Marie: I'd say! For those of you who don't know, Double D here is my absolute fu-er-freakin' favorite cook ever! It's to die for!

Edd: You flatter me, Marie.

Marie: Y-yes! Well, moving on, what would you say is your, um… is your greatest inspiration?

Edd: Now that is a very good question. I have such a pantheon of inspirational sources I hardly know how to manage them all; everything from the works of Homer to the writings of Sagan, the theories of Einstein to the foretellings of the Abrahamic. Why, I'm surprised I was even able to pick any one field of study to devote my life to.

Marie: Yeah… you really are an amazing guy, huh?

Edd: Um, well, I wouldn't say amazing, per say…

Marie: I would…

Edd: Um…

Marie: Oh, right! So, uh, anything else you would like to add?

Edd: I don't think so. I must really be getting back to work, Marie.

Marie: Yeah… have fun with that… god I'm such an idiot.


	7. Chapter 7

I have no idea where to begin… so much has happened since I last recorded one of these. Double D is furious at me, and I don't even know if he's right or wrong. I'm pissed off too, but don't know if it's more at me or him. I'm also kinda scared, I mean, what if he's had enough and is just gonna send me packin'? Damn it! I'm such an idiot! Why did I have to fuck things up just when it was looking good for once?! All that work for nothing!

… I'm sorry. I just can't think straight right now. I thought maybe if I came out to the beach and just listened to the ocean at night it would help. At first it was okay, but not for very long, and now I'm just bitter and cold again. There is sand in my shoes and in my hair and just… well, this is what I get for laying on the beach for so long.

I can't fucking stop playing it over and over in my head either. We came back from the show; he was so happy and grateful that he actually gave me a hug. Sure, I had to hug him first, but he returned it is the point. Then I tried getting ready for bed after he did, but I couldn't stop thinking that I could get away with anything I damn well wanted to, you know, after that hug. Well into the night I was still wide awake, thoughts of him and what we could be doing running rampant throughout my head. Soon it became too tempting and I got up, headed slowly over to his bed, and crawled in next to him.

At first I was telling myself I would only be there a moment. And then I was convincing myself into a few more minutes, then half an hour, then a touch of his face, a caress wouldn't do any harm, his lips were so soft. What would one little kiss hurt? Why not cuddle into the kiss? Hold onto him, caress his face more, and kiss more. I should have known he wouldn't have been happy to wake up with me violating him as I used to do. But… it's just been so damn long. Can you guys blame me?

He struggled and told me no, to get off of him and leave him alone. I couldn't though, something had broken inside me, a great pressure was being released and I wouldn't stop for anything in the world. It was like I was hungrier than I had ever been in my life and he was the most delicious meal ever made. I straddled him and kept him pinned down, not something all that difficult, really. He thrashed and struggled and cursed, but I wouldn't budge.

He told me over and over again to get off, yet I wouldn't listen to a word of it. I wanted him so bad and it had been so long, besides, it had always been like this between us, I just had to get things started and he would get into it. So I kissed him, forced my mouth onto his and kissed with everything I had. You know what he did? Once I pushed my tongue up against his he bit me! He fucking sunk his teeth into my tongue! My humble, sweet, wouldn't hurt a fly Double D attacked me! Me! I screamed into his mouth and got it out of there.

Then instinct took over, almost automatically. He hurt me so I hurt him back. I slapped him across the face. But not just once, well, and I didn't just slap him. I beat him. I slapped him and hit him and punched him, crying about everything I had just done for him tonight while doing it; and calling him ungrateful and selfish, that I deserved some payback. He begged for mercy and tried to protect himself but I was too powerful for him. I stopped when I had exhausted myself. He had a matching pair of black eyes, but what really looked pathetic was him whimpering, or how he flinched when I told him to take it like a man.

And I did take him. I was just so fed up and frustrated and, well, horny too, I guess. I can get into all the details about how I undressed the two of us, or how I took pleasure in the way he shivered when I licked at his tears, or how good it felt when I teased him for getting so hard even though he protested, or how he cried when I shoved him deep inside of me and rode him without mercy. But I don't really want to. Maybe later…

I knew when he shuddered beneath me with a groan he was spent. I collapsed on top of him and collected his crying form into my arms. I told him he had only made things worse for himself and he knew better than to fight it. He was so quiet for so long, then, after his breathing steadied, all he could whisper was, "You raped me…"

I realized then that he was right, I had just raped him. I told him he was wrong, not wanting to admit that I guess, but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread crawling all over me. What have I done? I didn't mean for it to happen like that! It was supposed to be romantic and loving and caring. But I got so… I don't know! I just don't fucking know what's wrong with me! How could I do that to him?! I just… I just want to go home… go home and forget any of this ever happened.

-----

Sorry for crying earlier. Looks like I'm getting my wish, I'm being sent home. I tried to apologize, told him I didn't know what came over me but he's obviously fed up and scared of me. He doesn't want me around anymore, wants me out of his life for good, and I can't really blame him. Hell, I don't even want to be part of my own life anymore either.

I asked him if there was anything I could do to make it up to him. All he told me was I could leave his life forever and never bother him again. I never even got to show him the progress I was making on the violin, whole lotta help that's gonna do now… Well, I better get those Greyhound tickets… Don't even know how I'm gonna afford them either…

-----

The next ride out of here is tomorrow night. I'm just sitting on the couch, lookin' at nothin'. I don't know what to say really, I just… I just want to say something. I must be a terrible person; I never knew I could do that to him. I wish I could turn back the clock and stop myself, but…well… I hate myself and I want to die.

I did try playing the violin for him, tried my best to do that Song of Healing I liked so much, but he just yelled at me and I dropped the thing and sank back into the couch. I don't think he even knew I had it until that point. Well, it's his now, I put it away and left a note on it. I don't know where he is now; he stormed off after yelling at me, saying I was lucky he didn't press charges.

I'm glad he's not around, and at the same time I wish he was here. I should have probably chased after him, but what I did is unforgivable, so what would have been the point? I must be a monster to him, shit, I feel like a monster. Everything in the world seems wrong and I don't feel like I should be part of it.

-----

I asked what I could do to make things right again. That leaving things like this was wrong and we needed to face it. He told me I was going to be late for my bus. I told him fuck the bus! I wasn't going anywhere until we had worked this out. He glared at me and I glared right back. Finally he said there was nothing I could do.

"Like hell!" I told him, "Until we figure something out and try it, I'm not leaving!"

So he threatened to call the cops and I told him to go right ahead, if that's what it took to fix things and make him feel better, then go for it. He never called them. He was fuming, he was angry and full of hate for me, and probably himself for not being able to stop a woman from raping him, but he didn't make a move.

Then his phone rang. Probably using it as an excuse to not look at me he answered it and turned away. Turns out it was Eddy, and he had been found out by Lee. Guess she had assaulted him too, but he had better luck getting away than Double D did. So, after all was said and done Double D agreed to let Eddy visit him until his situation cooled down, meaning I would have to hit the road anyway, since there was only one couch for someone to crash on. At least this is what he reasoned, but I didn't care much for it.

I came back with, "If you try kicking me out before we get this fixed, then I'll tell Lee where she can find Eddy."

We had another shouting match after that, but nothing got resolved. Needless to say I missed my bus though, and Double D said I owed him for the ticket. Small price to pay for fixing up this literal fuck up I got us into.

Huh, he's been in the shower for almost an hour, must be really pissed off again… Guys, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I have to fix this, but I have not fucking idea how. And now with Eddy on the way it's just gonna complicate things more. I could really use some advice here… please?

Hm… sounds like my turn for a shower is just about here… Yeah, be back in a bit.

-----

Yes, I am, it lets me vent! Sorry about that, Double D is harping about me making a recording.

Edd: Harping is hardly the word, Marie! I find it simply outrageous for you to be able to subject such vast quantities of time for that recording device rather than dealing with the issue at hand!

Marie: Oh, so you finally wanna talk about it?!

Edd: Not while that voice recorder is operating!

Marie: Fine, look, I'm shutting it off!

-----

Alright, I'm back. I think I'm pretty much over feeling sorry for myself now. I still feel like shit that I put him through that, but I'm willing to patch things up more than ever. He's still mad as hell though, and wonders aloud why he hasn't called the police yet. I don't think he will though, I mean, if he was serious about it then he would have done it by now, what with it being a few days since that night.

We had really long fight again, but this time I think we got somewhere. He knows I had too much to drink that night and I wasn't in a healthy state of mind, but he doesn't accept that as an excuse for what I did to him. I wouldn't either, honestly. I can tell his forgiving nature is trying to live up to its usual expectations, but that his fear and loathing are way too strong right now. Shit, am I a bad person for wanting him to forgive me?

Maybe when he wakes up tomorrow he'll be in a better mood? Let's hope… Damn it, I'm laying here but I still can't sleep. So much is on my mind… I still don't know how I'm supposed to make this up to him. What does a rapist give or do for their victim to say they're sorry? This isn't like some backwaters hobo town where if you rape it you best damn be marrying it… I'm lucky if we could ever be friends again, let alone husband and wife… there goes my dreams of a happy life with him, right out the fucking window.

Damn it, I'm making myself depressed again… Fuck it, I can't sleep, I think I'll send these and go for a walk or something… not like he wants me around him anyways…


	8. Chapter 8

To whoever the hell that Sofa guy is in the comments; shut the hell up! You are annoying and I can't fucking hardly understand what you're trying to say! You think my life can turn out wonderful just because you want it to? Huh? Well it isn't! It's shit! Pure fucking shit!

I'm back at my tiny little trailer, still limping from the beating Lee gave me, and Double D aint calling me back! In fact he's blocked my number entirely. I guess I should consider myself lucky, in retrospect, because he could have listened to Eddy and pressed charges.

Listen, everyone else, I appreciate your concern and interest in my life or what not, but it's down the shitter now. Mom made me get a job at some car wash 'cause, well, she had an idea where all my money was coming from and didn't want to shoot the shit with cops anymore. So now I have a legal excuse to pay her bills. I hate my life.

I'll remember the past or my visit with Double D and feel happy for just a little bit, before remembering it was all worthless. He never loved me, and he never, ever will. He hates me, hates me forever, and has the damn right to. I hate me too. I hate everyone! I'm gonna probably end up just like mom, get knocked up, abandoned, and have to keep raising kids I wish I never had. Meanwhile dreaming of the life I could have had if I had just been a little more… less me.

He's going places; he'll be well renowned, or well known, rich, handsome, wonderful, perfect. Have the perfect pretty wife with perfect hair and both of her eyes, not so much as a grain of dirt on her record and be one of the acceptable girls. They'll have pretty little babies who will be smart and love both of their parents so much. And me? Maybe I'll get to steal glances of him when he visits his parents for Christmas or something. You know, if I'm lucky.

… Guys? I'm done, I don't want to make these anymore. I quit already actually, as you might have guessed. But I saw all the comments left behind and, well, maybe I felt like I owed you guys some closure, I know I damn well need some. I dunno, this just isn't fun anymore. So I'm throwing in the towel. It was fun and a pain in the ass, but now there isn't much left to tell. I fucked up, I fucked it all up, sorry to disappoint.

I know you were all probably rooting for me, but it was pointless. Hell, I knew there wasn't really any hope from the moment I saw him again. I'll live, grow old with regrets, and fade off probably. I guess I should leave a moral or message or something at the end of this little adventure, huh? Don't get your hopes up? Try to live your life to the fullest? Graduate collage? Whatever, life isn't a fairy tale. There are rarely, if any happy endings. Life is just going to suck worse and worse as you grow older. Then you end up making so many fucking mistakes trying to make things better, and you end up making everything worse. There is no meaning, just live, breed, and hope your kids will do the same.

I'm done, thanks for listening… or reading… or whatever. Bye…


	9. Chapter 9

Does this thing still work? Testing, testing, one two… Oh, sweet, playback works just fine… You know, why the hell not? It's been a few years and I have nothing better to do. Marie Kanker here, did you miss me? I think I might have missed you guys. How long has it been? About a two years or something? No…Three? Somewhere around there, I'm sure. I'm twenty-five now, in either case, and have just moved into my own apartment. Decided it was well past time I left the nest, especially since I was paying all of our bills. Besides, being in Peachcreek was really getting me down. You know, too many reminders of bad memories… or good ones.

So anyways, new place, yeah. Nothing fancy, just a single room, single bath. Affordable, cozy, barren, yet holding so much potential. This is the start of a new chapter of my life. I'm independent now, and live life by my own rules. Well, guess I always have, but now I really don't have anyone to hold me back. Yup… just me and all these boxes, sitting on a beat up mattress that I found abandoned in front of some dope's house… or would that be "which I found"? Eh, doesn't matter.

Well, since I don't quite feel like unpacking just yet I guess I can talk to you guys some more. Heh, I forgot how much I loved doing this. If I remember right I think I left off on a downer. Well, I kind of was the most depressed I have ever been. Even tried killing myself shortly after. May intervened though, and Lee was even more furious with me than when I stole her stuff. She hit me again, then hugged me and told me what an idiot I was. I think she might have been crying, but I couldn't tell over May's loud and obnoxious sobs. We all hugged for a bit and reassured one another that none of us would ever try to leave like that again.

Then for a while I became this workaholic zombie. I wanted to forget everything bad and just work all day long, bury my feelings deep down and away. Got two other part time jobs as a janitor and a waitress, though the waitress gig didn't go very far. I think I lasted about three months before I got fired for stealing the other waitress' tips. Whatever. Point is I was finding distractions from all the horrible feelings I was having. It was all going well until last Christmas. I wasn't my old pumped-up-and-ready-to-tackle-the-world self, but at least I wasn't trying to dive in front of moving traffic anymore.

Let's just say I saw something I wished never to see again. It really got to me, felt like crap all over again, and the self-destructive thoughts came crashing back. I knew then that I had to get away from Peachcreek, or else go through seeing that ugly reminder every winter. So the only way I was going to leave was start saving up money for my own place far away. It wasn't easy though, since I had to not only pay our bills, but also spend the rest on food, clothes, or whatever else my family wanted.

Funny enough I figured out what I had to do in order to make money was to lose one of my jobs. Sounds totally nuts, right? But think about it. If my family knew I got fired from one of my jobs then they would demand I get another one, but because I was fired it would be hard. So during the time that I normally would have been job hunting instead I just picked pockets. Then to be extra sure no one would stumble upon my winnings, I stashed them deep in the junkyard. Took me about a year (and during that time Mom made both May and Lee get a job too,) but in the end I saved up enough for a down payment and a few months rent, plus some for food and travel.

So here I am, on my own, by my lonesome. It's a strange feeling, I guess, knowing that I got further than my Mom ever did, and I did it all by myself. It's also weird, summing up the last few years of my life in just a few minutes, but there you have it. Umm… not much to really say about me besides that. Ah, well, there is, but I don't really feel like getting into it. Not right now at least, maybe if I get the need to rant and rave, so who knows?

God, it sucks not having a TV. I might be able to snag one though, and maybe a laptop too. But then I won't have any cable or satellite, or even an internet connection. Suppose I could make a few runs in my new neighborhood, get a feel for the roofs, and the prey. I'll need a new pair of gloves too, I guess. Yeah, probably should make a check list of all this, right? I know I had some paper around here somewhere…

…

Alright, I'm back. It's been awhile since I had a good run like that! I think I might be a little outa shape, had to make more rest stops than usual, but holy crap is it great for running out here. Not to mention how quick I can get onto the street, make a snag, then be off on the roofs again. There are a lot of alleys, and even more ladders. Oh yeah, and it's the weekend too, so lots of people out and about, wanting to buy stuff. I think I'm at about… I'm gonna say I made around a grand at least. Wonder if I can get some good internet with this, or would I want a TV? Choices…

…

Hey guys! Wanted to go with the new laptop, since its portable and all. But the decent ones can be really pricey, so I had to make several snatches, none really like the last trip I told you guys about. I mean, I was hoping and all, but that must have just been my lucky day or something. Doesn't matter, got the money I needed.

Ah, forgot another thing to give an update on. I have a bank account now too. I figured being an adult and all I would need one… which was a good idea because I wouldn't have been able to get this place if I didn't have it. It was so stupid though, I had such a fuss getting one because my mom has the worst god damned credit in the world, and they were dicking with her about opening any new accounts with her attached in any way. Then I figured I could just get one without her and at a different bank. It wasn't that hard, really, just needed to find my birth certificate and social security number. I thought mom would have lost them or something, but she just had them in a forgotten shoebox, in a trunk, in her room. Lee and May have theirs now too. And I have 'ta say, depositing a check from work feels a whole lot better than going to a quick and easy check cashing store, god those are awful.

Any-who, yeah, have a new laptop but no internet yet. Least I can find hotspots and use them now. I'll make an order for some satellite and internet connection at one, see if I can't get one of those bundle deals.

…

Alright, it's been a few days, but I'm back and fully connected to the world again. Got some Wifi, got satellite, and a used TV. Did some unpacking too, feels good to get everything squared away. The walls are really bare though, and it's kinda bothering me, but I guess they'll fill in over time. I was wondering if I should get a new job or not, or just keep to snatching every day? I dunno, what do you guys think? Either way it's near the same work, only one payoff is steady, while the other varies depending on luck of the draw. I mean, yeah, I can pick out who is more likely to have more cash on 'em, but that isn't much of a guarantee. And I won't use their debit or credit cards, because that's a dead giveaway. Never, ever use anything with someone else's name on it, they are so easily tracked. Well, unless you are, like, some elite hacker or something. But I'm not, so I aint riskin' my own skin. I can use a computer alright, but not enough to really get away with murder, or even theft.

…

Hey again, it's been about a week since I spoke into this thing. I'll look for a job later if I need to, no rush there. I have been really lonely though. It's weird how much I miss my sisters, or the crowds at school… and it feels really… *sigh* I feel really empty not having someone to just throw my arms around and hold tight to. I miss him again. Double-D that is… I really, REALLY miss him. But… I don't think I can do this…

…

I'm back… I wanted to spill my guts out, but that's always so exhausting and it wears down on you… err, or would that be on me? Whatever, you know what I mean, right? Right… You see, I saw him visiting his parents last winter. Just caught a glimpse of him, all smiles, with some bimbo blonde at his side; he had brought her home to meet his parents. Let me repeat that, he had organized a meeting with his parents to get their approval on a girl, and she seemed more than OK with this! What the fuck?! I knew him for years, and he never so much as mentioned getting his parent's approval of me. Or even having dinner with them! All he would say to me is that they would punish him if they ever found out I was in his house!

Oh, but this girl who he must of only just met, he makes the effort to get everyone together and have a meeting?! I haven't even seen a picture of them! But what could I have done? Crash the union? He would have hated me more. Go spy? Would have broken my heart further, and I was still recovering. She looked younger than him too. So, what, he likes that sort of thing? Or did he feel less threatened by a little girl versus a real woman?

I cried for what seemed like the rest of that day, and then went back at night. I just had to make sure he wasn't… I was going to say cheating on me, but I know now that wasn't the right phrase; still, it's what was going through my head. Didn't break and enter, just took count that he was sleeping alone. Which was a relief; yet I should have known he probably wouldn't sleep with a girl of his choice unless she either forced him, or they got married. If she was docile and everything I wasn't, then I would have some time before they got… physical…

I thought about it as I watched him sleep. If he had it his way then sex wouldn't happen until after marriage, which can't happen until he had a well-paying job, which wouldn't happen until after school. So I had at least a year at the time before they would get down to hanky-panky. Though watching him sleep… god, it was a feeling I had missed. I wanted to go into that room so bad, wanted to crawl into bed with him, have him awaken to my kisses, and seduce him into the most intense love making that he would come to his senses and send the new girl packing and show me off to his parents instead… Alas, I couldn't.

I was still all too aware how much I had hurt him, and that I hadn't even forgiven myself for raping him. I still love him… but I am the worst kind of person for him. I can't tell you how much I fantasize about his touch every night… every day, even. Or his smile, his voice, his huge heart, his talent, his wonderful looks, his smarts, his… his everything! What I wouldn't give for forgiveness… for a second chance. God damn it, I'm so fucking pathetic. I mean look at me! I'm still hung up on that dweeb! My dweeb… I need to get laid.

…

Umm, how do I say this? I tried fucking someone else. Key word being "tried", but couldn't get past kissing the guy, so I slapped him and stormed off. Ran home, brushed my teeth for a while, and stared at my reflection for… I dunno, a damn long time.

I'm at a loss guys, no idea what to do! I can't go back home and try to see Double-D, because he's off vacationing god-knows-where with that new bimbo of his. Oh, and I know that because May is sort of with Ed again, and she gets him to tell her stuff like this, which she relays to me.

He's done with School now, you know, I lost track of time, thought he had another year left. Nope, I was wrong, he was taking summer classes the entire time too, so he came out on top and ahead of schedule. Lucky enough, for me anyways, the place he was interning at went under, so he is still actively looking for new employment. Won't be very long though, seems like the end of summer is about all the time I have left. Well, so I thought. May informed me something she found out through Ed (she has been doing this a lot for me,) he would like to date someone a minimal of two years before asking to marry them, though having them move in together after the first year, but none of this is to happen until they both have graduated and both are employed.

Not like I can do much about it, just some extra time before the inevitable. I just wish there was something I can do! Like maybe dig up some junk on this girl? Show him she is actually a horrible person and would only make him unhappy! Ah, but doesn't that sound just like me? A roughneck thief, rapist, and batterer… someone that has only made him miserable…

I didn't mean to cry there, sorry… I must be getting hormonal. Anyways, I have to think about this for a while. I'm going to let you guys go, um, thanks for listening, err, I mean reading. Oh, and let me know if you guys have any ideas that could help. Bye.

…

I found it! I found this damn recorder! It had been lost since summer. Holy crap is this a relief. I was doing some reorganizing and I guess it got mixed up in a box of old electronics. Where did I leave off last? Hold on, gotta rewind the tape…

OK, wow, looks like I was about ready to have another entry transcribed and posted. But that will have to wait some, I have more updates. Where to begin… Yeah, might as well be that.

So, remember when I was wondering if there was any dirt I can dig up on Double D's new squeeze? Well, turns out she is only a state away! And not just that, but also my city is close to the boarder of our two states, and the same goes for her city too! So I could get an annual pass then take a train out there and trail her within a couple hours. Yeah, a train, because I have developed a dislike for busses, as you can probably guess. I'll still take them if need be, but… well, I'm getting off track.

Her name is Quincy, Diana Quincy, but I have just been calling her Quincy. She works as an intern at a hospital, and takes the bus. Like I said, I dislike buses now, but I am not above using them if I need to. She wakes up around seven AM every morning, even on her days off, and either heads off to school, work, or the library by eight; then reaches her destination by nine. Very punctual. I don't think it was an accident either, her home being only an hour bus ride from all of her favorite places.

She always has lunch at one PM, then is back to either studying or work by two. Depending on her schedule that day, she will try to head home between six and eight, gets home between seven and nine, has a light dinner, showers, and does homework until midnight, before heading off to bed. Pretty boring life, really, but it makes her easy to track. Not to mention easy to take advantage of.

After learning her schedule I headed back to my own city to plan a way to dig up some dirt on this girl. Eventually I knew it had to be a break-in. I couldn't follow her into her classes, or trail her very effectively into her work, and she never did anything interesting in the library, so all that left me was to somehow get into her computer and find what I could.

I decided to brush up on my lock picking skills, as well as breaking-and-entering. Practiced on some punk ass I saw belittling his girlfriend as I strolled down a local park, looking for prey. Trailed him just fine, kept just out of ear shot, made sure to be seated when he was looking around, and always kept the hood up. Girlfriend eventually gets on a bus, he walks off not to be bothered with wishing her any kind of love. I wanted to bash his teeth in.

He had a bachelor style apartment, much cheaper than mine. Watched him go in, waited a few hours, then decided to go back home. Hit him up first thing in the morning, wasted time until about eleven when I saw him walk out of his complex. After making sure the coast was clear I went to work on his key slot. You know, these things never truly leave you, kind of like riding a bike, if you did it often enough throughout childhood and beyond, well, you get what I'm saying.

Took less than a minute to get in, no one saw me either. He didn't have much of anything valuable. I did find a large stash of weed rather quickly though, and decided it would be a real bitch thing to do if I messed with it. So I laced it with baking soda and hot pepper. I never got into pot myself. I think that might have been Double-D's influence. He would have been disgusted with me, and disappointed, and- well, why would I put myself through that?

Um, yeah, so I ended up just snipping a bunch of wires, lifting a ten gig flash drive, and pocketing some cash he had stashed next to his bed. About three-hundred bucks I think. I was worried once exiting his place though, because like a colossal dumbass I just strolled out the front door. Chances were his neighbor just had to exit their apartment at the exact same time! Then to my relief I didn't see suspicion in his gaze, but annoyance, disdain. Like I was supposed to be there but he didn't like it. As if he saw this sort of thing all the time. The man I just robbed must have had women over quite often, and his neighbor probably knew they weren't supposed to be any such visits, not if he was in a relationship. I love being so good at reading people, it comes naturally when your main source of income is stealing. So I rolled my eyes in response to his glare and strolled right out of the dirty building.

Lessoned learned though, plan for your exit Marie Kanker! And don't wing it with your main target. Hmm… I need to stop and get something to eat…

…

So I'm home, and taking a break from field work for this sabotage. I'm kind of glad I never showed that website to anyone now; it lets me speak freely to you guys without worrying someone will be tipped off. And, you know… When I read what you guys have to say, it makes me feel like I have fans! And friends… I'm not really great at making friends. Hell I can't afford them, really. Not financially I mean, but you know… what if they notice what I'm up to? Can't risk it.

I do call home though, talk to my sisters, get updates from May about what the Eds are up to. Though I think Double-D has been careful about what he tells Ed now, and I can't blame him, I mean, I did let it slip that he was a source of info for us. Lee never feeds me with anything so important, but it's good to hear from her. She wants to move out too, getting sick of mom's crap. I told her to go for it.

I also wanted to talk on this thing to organize my thoughts. It's raining outside so I don't really have too much to do anyway. So… um… the plan. Yeah, the plan. I need to break into Quincy's apartment and dig through all of her stuff to find any kind of dirt on her. But I have a feeling if there is anything then it will probably be on her computer. I hate to admit it, but she is like Double-D in a lot of ways. Too many ways, in fact. Still, I was able to use Double-D's password protected computer back in high school because he kept a personal log of all his current passwords hidden in his room; I think so he was sure never to repeat using the same password twice, or something. Well, there should be a good chance she would be using the same method, if not for something she thought up herself, then Edd would probably have made the suggestion already.

OK, so step one will be to locate that list. And it would most likely be in a journal, or diary, or log book. It probably wouldn't be labeled either, so it couldn't draw too much suspicion. And… probably hidden, but not too well… like in a stack of other note books or something, yeah.

So step one, locate password list. Step two, go through her computer and dig up any dirt on her I can find. I can use that ten gig flash drive I snatched from that asshole's apartment. Need to remember to go through it and clear it out… Anyway, I should look for nudes of Quincy, pictures other people have sent her, dirty emails or messages. Anything like that. Oh, and any journal entries… Probably should collect any journals I can find around her place. No time for scanning stuff like that, if she has a scanner that is… probably does though.

Oh, and check out her browsing history, see what sites she's been visiting. And things she has been buying too, get any online receipts. She might have ordered some dildos or vibrators or maybe even a cock saddle. Gotta take pictures of stuff like that, maybe jack some of them too. Oh, and I should probably take before pictures of everything before I start moving shit, that way I know how it's supposed to look after I put everything back in its place.

Hmm, what else? What else?... Better look at her emails back and forth with Double-D, even if they sting to read, 'cause they might say things I should know. Like things I should find evidence to the contrary of. Or if there is anyone in her life that he disapproves of, yet she still keeps in contact with. Then I can look through her computer and apartment for anything else that proves she is a lying little cunt! Gotta remember that I would only have about ten hours to dig up anything of worth while I'm in. So maybe that means I need to set an alarm at the nine hour mark on my phone, just to let me know when to start tidying up before taking off.

Alright, sounds like a plane. I'll listen to this recording again and make an easier to follow check list, go over it again and again until I memorize it. Hmm… just thinking, if I don't find anything in my first stint, then I might be able to break in again sometime after. Yeah, that sounds good. Right, I should write this all down.

…..

I was just thinking, if I put a little presentation together in a nice, neat little package, then I could probably show it to Double-D during Christmas! Then he would have no choice but to dump her! And that would let him know I'm not such a bad choice after all! Because, you know, I would always be a loyal and respectable girlfriend. Always have been!... Well, for the most part… When it was needed. OK, so I have my own flaws too, but no one, and I mean no one could ever love Double-D as much as me!

I really mean that too. I have even practiced the violin again. Yup, that's right, I stole another one! This one is mine though, and I will learn this damn thing if it kills me. I plan to know enough by Christmas to play out in the snow of the cul de sac back home, drawing him out. I will have a new hooded outfit on and be sure my back is turned from his house so he doesn't see who is playing. He will then walk up to me and listen to my beautiful rendition of one of his favorite songs. When I finish I will turn to face him, but he won't see my face, for I will be wearing a scarf beneath the hood, covering my features. He will compliment my playing and ask who I am. I will just bow slightly to him, then pull from my coat a flat package, covered in gift wrap, addressed to him. After he gracefully accepts my gift I will turn to walk into the woods… but be sure to sneak back around to spy on what goes on in his parent's house once he confronts his soon to be ex-girlfriend with all of the incriminating evidence I uncovered.

It will be a sweet victory, but that won't be all! At the end of the file I will leave an X on a map to show where to find me, it will be labeled "Come alone, only on Christmas day," and I will wait until sunset for him to come to me once again. There, I will unmask myself, and I will tell him everything. And then properly apologize, and ask for his forgiveness. If after all of that, he can't find it in him to forgive me… well, I don't really want to think about that to tell the truth.

Either way, I'm tired, and have lots of planning to do. I can't wait to hear from you guys again, let me know what you think of my plan, and if you have any suggestions or what not. Until next time!


End file.
